He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I love how my cats smell like pot.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
