i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
