Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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