my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
