My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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