I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Even my vagina gasped.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
