It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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