Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
