It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
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Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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