I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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