you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
