Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
