Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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