I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
