and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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