how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
