I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
