and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
