Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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