I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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