i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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