I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she smelled like a LAN party
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
