She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
pray to the hookup gods
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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