Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
