I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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