The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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