If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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