If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
