Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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