strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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