Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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