Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
