we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
