I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
