Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
