I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
