she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
