I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
