okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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