Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
