one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
