i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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