He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
