i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
