why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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