who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize