did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
