I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
