Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
