and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
