Don't make out with my wife yet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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