she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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