you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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