He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
