I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
