the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can I color on your dick again?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
