She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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