So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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