please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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