i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
