he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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