note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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